Spirituality and Recovery really go hand in hand with me. I started my journey with a spiritual experience. After drinking and drugging for a long time in isolation, I started to pray and meditate. An experience burst upon me that left me with the realization that there really is a power greater than just me on this planet.
Shortly after, I found myself in a rehab facility that offered a program called spirituality. It was very similar to church, but I disregarded the religious aspects and focused on how I felt the spirit move. While we listened to the music in there, I would have tears running down my eyes feeling like everything was gonna be okay.
After leaving, I continued on my spiritual journey. Slowly, it broadened and deepened. I had setbacks along the way, where I stopped praying and meditating. Always to come back to it, because I knew it helped me in some way, even if it was subtle.
Today It’s a major part of my life. Praying regularly for myself and for people along my side who helped me along the way. I think about it like this: My best thinking got me into drugs and alcohol. My best thinking said it was okay to use drugs and alcohol in an addictive way. So maybe there’s something greater than just my thinking, and it wants me sober today to live a better life and hopefully help others along the way.
The second step in the 12-step recovery program is “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Well, I didn’t think I needed to be restored to sanity at first. I thought my parents or my friends who called out my drug usage, needed to be restored to sanity. I didn’t have a problem, I thought.
But I look at it differently now. I wouldn’t have used drugs and had all the crazy thoughts or ended up in a mental hospital if I was sane. Normal people don’t just end up in mental hospitals.
I thank God today for clarity of what I went through. There were times I had no clarity, I thought everyone else was the problem. The people helping me weren’t helping me the right way. I was gonna figure out life alone. But today I go back to prayer and meditation, knowing I can’t go at it alone.
Spirituality is also connecting with my fellows. To go and ask for help when I’m in a rut. I still get in ruts today even with 2 years sober. That’s just life. Life happens, and we face challenges and trials every day. But there’s a new level of hope I stay close by. This level of hope allows me to meet challenges with grace. The grace to face challenges head on and not let them overtake me. This is a power unknown to me a few years ago.
Anyway, if you struggle with the spirituality of it all, I recommend keeping an open mind. You might be surprised as to the logicality of believing rather than unbelieving.
K., young adult